Bite Me and I Swear, I'll Kill You

Okay, if I get a lot of angry post, comments, or e-mails about this, I fear for our civilization. Here it goes....

Twilight

Yes, I said it, the dreaded 'T' word that the large novel reading populous despises.

I only bring this up because, not one week ago, the third installment of the almost 'made-for-TV' quality movies, hit theaters with a fiery vengeance. At the siren call of Edward Cullen, teenage girls (and some of their poor boyfriends) were crammed into theaters to watch Bella and her duo of supernatural hotties (if you can find it in your cold heart to find Robert Pattinson hot.)

I will admit to reading and loving the series as a twelve year old when the books first emerged. I was sucked into the world for a long time. Then I read an actually well thought out book, The Count of Monte Cristo, and then read Breaking Dawn. At that glorious epiphany of a moment I realized something.

"These books kind of suck."

And the movie franchise can pretty much be described in the same way. This is mostly because of the very whiny and unlikeable character, Bella. She just sits and plays with these two guys, who are up for murdering each other in her honor, like it's really not much of anything. To quote countless My Life is Average posts, Twilight has no moral structure except how important your virginity is and how much your life sucks without a boyfriend. And this is not something I want to teach my kids.

No, my good readers, my children shall be raised on the values of Harry Potter.

But, my generation is going to be sadly remembered for this 'Twi-hard' extravaganza. I'm glad to just stay in my basement and read my zombie novels until this all blows over, which won't be until the second half of 'Breaking Dawn' comes and goes.

On, on that note, why is Breaking Dawn in two parts? The book wasn't that long and had a crap load of filler that just built up to a huge fight where they didn't even fight! It is not the Deathly Hallows, where there is a lot of things to be covered. Half of that book was fluff from the abyss that the entire filler season of Naruto crawled out of.

But, I will admit that I will be seeing Breaking Dawn. Only for the part where the baby eats it's way out of Bella like that one scene in alien.

Om nom nom.

But I digress, and should probably start wrapping this up.

So in conclusion, Twilight: No. Zombies: Yes.

Prepared with her Zombie Plan,
Alice

Parting words of unrelated wisdom:

M. Night, I don't care how Asian you are, you cannot change the pronunciation or Aang or Sokka! You are not the series creator!